This is from a situation that started in August 2025 when my step-mother fell and required hospitalization and additional time in an acute center for recovery . This situation has continued through November due to a set back that happened in September. During this time when ongoing decisions were made that I feel could have been thought out much better. This would have allowed mutual goals to be accomplished amicably. Instead, since there was a certain level of selfishness with other individuals, I wound up having to miss some pretty substantial events that would have allowed me to set new personal achievements for the year, as well as having to miss something that I may not have the chance to do again since it was the last time a particular event I had signed up for would happen. I had written some initial information on the main page of the site about this topic, but as time moves on new content will be added and wanted to capture my general thoughts on the situation. I’m sure I will look back and see it as general drama at some point but it did make an impact big enough to note in the future. To sum up this dilemma, from my perspective, I have extremely minimal support to deal with family care support in an equally shared responsibility need. The need is not mine alone but also involves the our parent that is 95 and would benefit from a low stress equally shared home care environment. Results have proved to be exactly the opposite.
One of my main struggles remains on to how to juggle the big stuff in life with the big fun. Life can create challenges in both. My current challenge is finding out if the events that I have committed to be a participant will have to be put on pause due to an uncertain family situation. It’s unfortunate when others seem to make themselves unavailable, unreliable and undependable. Currently things are on a week to week basis but hoping for the best outcome for! Unfortunately developments are that since there has been a disconnect in general consideration for my personal commitments from some family individuals, I wound up missing the run-de-vus 100k and x-cat 50 mile events that was in September. These events were planned months prior. It’s extremely unfortunate that I missed run-de-vus since it may very likely not happen again. x-cat will also have to be done in 2026. <flame on> 🔥👺The missed events are noted as 🤬 (yeah, use your imagination on that emoticon too). Very nicely put, that emoticon designates an extreme amount of disappointment and has left me educated on how I was de-prioritized and to expect unpredictable behavior at the very least. </flame> 👺🔥
I’ll be back in Brentwood next week doing weekday doing close to 5x/24h coverage weekdays starting October 5th. I will also need to drop my standing Monday night league which has been a constant since the bowling alley opened back up after the pandemic in 2021 along with dropping my Thursday night league (which I had to get on a wait-list to join in 2022). So to sum up my current thoughts on how certain individuals are contributing in three letters: T-F-U*
To highlight a positive, there have been other family members stepping up and I have a totally new appreciation for them and am so grateful for all of the support they have provided. So a very heart felt thanks to my older sisters, you both totally rock! Looks like us elders are picking up the slack!
November Update:
Wow, and just wow, didn’t realize the power of certain individuals making themselves the center of the universe could surprise me, but I’m getting a good lesson.. So overall impact from the CCGCFBS* is that I’m down to less half of what my normal daily activity would be on average. I’m also now having to negotiate weekend activities, since I never know if the AsHOT* are “available”. The AsHOT are also employing tactics that lead me to wonder what other shallow and thoughtless actions I’ll be dealing with next. So far it has been the passive-aggressive “oh thank you so much for your sacrifice” and then having to deal with a conversation about not being available on such-and-such a time for this-that-and-whatever-fuckingelse comes up that is clearly more important than being available to care for someone who really needs to have close family members amicable support. Well it seems to me the support aspect is completely lopsided and far from amicable from my standpoint. One of the interesting tactics used was an over dramatization due to a lack of ability to handle the current state of affairs. This showed up in form of “OMG! I’m going to get fired if I ask for any time off!” – ok sure, whatever, slave to the man.. Suits you well. Here’s my take on that: by sighting one worst case scenario along with all of the other (now countless) examples of avoiding a family situation responsibly and maybe working out a better overall solution, there is another worst case scenario that has now occurred (note that I may be mis-classifying the descriptions, it could be best case for Queen AsHOT). Now that I realize the actual priority of where family ranks from the AsHOT, I see that family has absolutely no value compared to other priorities (new house, concert tix, like I mentioned, this-that-and-whatever-fuckingelse) So when all my current obligations are no longer needed in the family care for my elders, and I know I chose to show that my family elder was my priority, I will return the favor to those by severing all ties with those who who provided me the opportunity and held others hostage with “other things that really mattered”. This, however, most likely, won’t matter since we are family members and we hold no significance. I am also probably doing myself a favor by disengaging before I attempt some impossible task like explaining this to some BWAHCBEHMFF <– 👹 who will prolly try to ‘splan it to me that I’m ‘rong [yuk-yuk]. Anyway if you can’t tell I’m *fucking piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiisedOFF!!!* Here is a specific item that can be sighted for additional point-in-case information: Adding additional stress when the situation is already causing stress. As in pulling in an individual who is not known in the current situation and has to establish a base trust condition. This maneuver was initially rejected but the parties affected had no choice but to accept what was going to (and has) happen(ed). Did I mention that the person who needs the care provided also is now on anti anxiety medication? 🤔 Going to let it go after I captured this rant so I can move on – permanently – cause I’m (or soon will be) O-V-E-R I-T🖕
Mid November Update:
At some point the ridiculousness gets to a point where any emotional reaction is mute. I have now become desensitized to the ongoing disruptive, dismissive, disrespectful, obnoxious, and extremely self centered behaviors that I continue to witness. Ongoing indicators of the “everything else is more important in my life than being available for helping in the home care” department continue. Wait until the actual numbers show up on how many days who was actually here to help with that. As they say, numbers don’t lie. However I’d be willing to bet that a liar would try to fudge numbers… In other news in an ironic twist of home care preference when step-mom gets back I may have more free time during the day. You can bet yo’ azz that it ain’t ‘cuz the one person who *SHOULD* be there will be, because it will be the ‘cuz, ‘cuz 🤣 Details to be discovered a few days after step-mom arrives back home.
Not done with the rant here but pausing here to focus on something positive.. more to come other topics that I will elaborate on include:
- Got laughed at —> in my face <—- LOUDLY!! (aka welcome to my instant 💩 list!)
- Backhanded (backstabbing power move) are you still bowling? no? no hiking either?? oh so sorry… (Sux to be you is what I got from that).
- I’m soooooooo busy with my life (I’d bet you’d opt out of dealing with anything support related and getting involved if given the chance)
- Don’t think about leveraging this as a means for further removal. But then I may have just armed you with the (this) tool to do it.
- Wanna play nice? Step on up to the plate and give me a Thanksgiving I would be thankful ton have. <— last chance scenario
* = ask be for a definition on these carefully selected acronyms!
But Wait! There’s even more!! Can’t get a full weekend anymore! I get a text from the Queen AsHOT:
“Hay brother, I need to leave dad’s house 4pm if you can possibly be here before then that would be awesome”
Not even going to bother to respond. At this point I’m limiting any form of interaction as possible, Can’t deal with the ongoing efforts to derail my ongoing personal accomplishments. I am now starting to think there are deliberate behaviors in play to try to annoy me at the very least. You get f’ing nothing! I’ll even bet that Queen AsHOT bails to letting a couple elders to fend for themselves. However. I have an idea on how to prove my theory. Not going to flex my schedule for anyone who makes mine an ongoing negotiation while completely disregarding the priority of being a bigger part of home care. But that just reinforces my secondary suspicion, which is that any other plans whatsoever will be made to avoid having to be available (see bullet point four above). I also suspect that there are some behavioral patterns like passive-aggressive ongoing power moves are in play that are being used as tactics to encourage limiting the time that the QAsHOT is doing home care. . Here is the latest example:
Upon my arrival after my activities 11/15-16 around 5pm (which confirmed my suspension that Queen AsHOT bails). I get busy taking care of opportunities I was provided in the kitchen area:
- Clean the dishes left in the sink
- Put away the dishes left on the counter (that somehow were miraculously washed)
- Empty the trash
- Clean off counters (especially under toaster)
I expect more in the future (see bullet point four in section above)
So here we are the week just before I head out to Tulsa for another event which I told AsHOT about three weeks prior and low and behold the Wednesday night I planning to head out… NO ONE PLANNING TO SHOW UP!!! Totally expected this! King AsHOT has condescending attitude in the shape if Ohhh (like wow this is news). Well no shit when you forget! Or all shit in this case. Of course I now expect to hear something like “You never told us *that*” but then again how could you know if you forgot LOL!!!! Oh and as for the part of making things up, well.. I just have better things to do. You are doing all the work on your own anyways ðŸ˜Great to be dealing with this bullshit anyways, gives me more energy to direct at my event performance. Can’t wait to see what I get back to, should be an absolute hoot! With a couple of BWAHCBEHMFFs I can’t even begin to imagine…. Oh and the end result of this ECFUA is that there will be no one to do home care Wednesday night. Going to plan on this situation again since I know when I let them know about the event in December, which as anticipated, will resonate in empty space. 🤡